I’ve been so anxious lately. I’ve never really been this anxious before, thanks school. I’m transferring school for the second time this year and I just wanna be successful and end up where I wanna be. I really wanna end up and U of I, but I keep worry about like “what if i still fuck up this semester too and am screwed and stuck where i am?” or “what if i hate it there too?” I’ve basically have just been working my ass off with a small social life and smoking semi a lot with like the friends I have here. Its not that bad I like being busy, minus the whole knot in my chest and the occasional nightmares. Oh yea, I don’t know what to major in yet. On the bright side I’m not really depressed anymore, that’s kinda cool.

and uh, random side note:

I went to U of I this weekend and hung out with one of my friends who also lost her dad. She’s handling it a lot better than I am. Also being at U of I where he was and seeing photos and stuff was really freaky. Its weird, I feel like as if there’s so many signs of him everywhere but he is nowhere and really not in my memories. I don’t know, I don’t think I’ll ever be completed settled about the issue. Also, he’s been in a lot of my nightmares lately. weeeeeeeird.

oh also, I’m really not this depressing in real life.